Quiet Love – For Future Reference

Call me crazy, but I’ve always been a firm believer in the 11:11 superstition. It’s simple- you see 11:11 on the clock, you make a wish. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the same wish- to build a life with someone that I was head-over-heels in love with. Middle school, high school, early adult years- while others were probably wishing for money and success, I was wishing for the suburban dream.

I laugh thinking back at this now. Not because love was my priority, but at the irony in the fact that I didn’t have a clue what this kind of love even looked like. I mostly blame Nicholas Sparks and John Hughes for the unrealistic portrayal I’ve had of a true relationship. Grand gestures, elaborate nights out, maybe some fights- as long as they ended in groveling and passionate kisses. We’re raised watching movies with John Bender slamming his fist in the air after scoring the prom queen, Noah declaring himself a bird because Allie thinks she is, Johnny demanding that we not put Baby in the corner. And don’t get me started on the unnecessary sacrifice Jack made to fit Rose on that damn door. There was plenty of room.

I spent all this time growing up and early in my marriage thinking this was the way it was supposed to be. Thinking that love had to be sparkly and showy. Thinking arguments should be big and dramatic. Expecting that my life should be that of a romance novel. The louder the love, the better.

Call me older and wiser, but I’ve come to realize that this isn’t what my kind of true love looks like. I need stability. I need plans. I need consideration and support. For me, love can’t be drama; it needs control. It’s compromising and balancing. It’s finding the fun in the chaos and making my partner laugh. It’s finding someone that doesn’t try to fix my quirks but celebrates them instead. It’s being with someone that can hold up to my banter and maybe throw a little back at me. I see this now in our daily lives. The quiet little things we do, while maybe silly, feed my soul and send me head-over-heels.

He rolls his eyes when I jam out to Taylor Swift in the bathroom, and I let him play endless 90’s country in the truck

I let him use my conditioner. He throws away the empty containers I leave in the shower.

He waits to walk up the stairs so I’m not left in the dark after double-checking the locks for the fourth and final time.

I pet the dog. He scoops the poop.

He automatically chooses the side of the bed that is closest to the door, knowing I can’t be the first person attacked if an intruder enters the room

He’s the early bird. I’m the night owl.

I laugh at his ridiculous jokes, mostly so he’s not the only one laughing

He modernizes my rustic farmhouse and I warm his sterile décor.

He teaches me about Adam Sandler and I don’t judge his fascinations with Devil Wears Prada, Coyote Ugly, and Pretty Woman

He reminds me to “buck up” when I need to and lets me cry when I need to.

He lets me sleep in and I roll my eyes every morning when he greets me with, “Oh you’re up. Good afternoon!”

He sits in the C-Suite of our relationship as CFO. I keep us fun as CPP (chief party planner). The battle remains for CEO.

He encourages me to be a powerful, independent woman but backs me up when I need it.

He books the flights; I coordinate the activities.

He routinely introduces me to the vacuum. I refrain from stealing that joy from him.

I let him think that he’s in charge, and he teaches me the importance of planning.

He makes the to-do list. I shake my head and laugh at the to-do list.

He pokes fun at my television choices but makes space for me each Sunday evening to enjoy my dragons

He’s accepted that we will always sleep with a fan on. I pretend to laugh when he jokes about the subzero temps every night when crawling into bed.

He pushes me when I need the nudge and holds back when I need the space

Our relationship is nowhere near perfect. I actually don’t know if that’s even in our 10- or 20-year plan. But I’ve always been promised “someday”. When I would ask him about getting married- “someday”. When I would ask him about a dog- “someday”. When I would ask him about kids- “someday”. Although absolutely frustrating in the moment, he’s always held true to his promise to me. All of our “somedays” have turned into “tomorrow’s”, “today’s”, and “yesterday’s”. And here we are celebrating our 10 year anniversary. He’s shown me what true love means and that in reality, love doesn’t always need to be a crazy little thing. It doesn’t have to involve a boom box outside your window or a cry out from a balcony. To be honest, it didn’t really work out well for Romeo and Juliet in the long run.

So I encourage you to watch the clock. Make your wish for quiet love. Because for future reference, and speaking from experience, quiet love is the strongest of all.