It’s Time to Listen

Being perfectly honest, I’ve had this post written for a while. I kept reading and reviewing. Editing my words to ensure I was truly displaying on a screen what was running through my mind. Wondering, should I really post this? What if I mistakenly word something incorrectly and it offends someone? I’ve spent so much time staring at this computer screen, trying to find the right verbiage, trying to find the right closing statement, trying to come up with the right title. It’s such a sensitive time for all of us, the last thing I wanted was to make things worse but, really, isn’t being silent making things worse?

So to preface, these are my opinions put on paper. While they may not be perfect, they are my own….

It’s been one week since George Floyd’s murder. This past week continues to make monumental history for our country. Actions and words that I never expected to see or hear in my lifetime rage the streets, television screens, and social media. People are being attacked while trying to speak their mind while others use the opportunity to loot our communities. People grow in solidarity while others continue to find ways to divide our country.

I found myself in complete confusion last Friday as I drove home from work, listening to the news of protesters in the area. I had read about the event in Minneapolis and the protests and violent looting that had come to follow. I knew about Floyd’s malicious killing but had painfully avoided watching the video, understanding that it would be incredibly uncomfortable. I had heard of recent murders of other black men and women but again, mistakenly turned my head, causing me to never truly understand the devastating impact it was having. I had seen the statement “Black Lives Matter” endlessly but again, being confused and naïve, thought, “well of course black lives matter; all lives matter.”

It wasn’t until watching the protests, the battering, the looting, that I realized how blind I was to the issue. It wasn’t until seeing peaceful protesters be shot with rubber bullets and stand in a gust of tear gas that I comprehended how out-of-touch I was with the state of our country. It wasn’t until the moment I made myself sit down and watch a cop kneel on a grown man’s neck, cutting off his air supply and causing his painful death that I woke up to the reality of what it means to live in America as a person of color.

I grew up in a very small town; a rural area that I still love with all my heart. I attended a Catholic school with people that looked and sounded just like me. I hadn’t truly met a black, Hispanic, Asian, or Indian person until I entered college. My parents were excellent role models. They taught me to treat others with respect and stand up for those who need it. While I understand and appreciate the words and actions of my parents, I wonder if my mindset would have been different had I grown up in a community of greater diversity. Would the thought of “treating others how they deserve to be treated” mean something more had I not had all white neighbors, classmates, and friends? 

This past week was devastating and a true wake-up call for myself. I finally realized how lucky and privileged I am because of the color of my skin. It’s incredibly ridiculous and nauseating to think that I’ve pondered whether to smile or cry if a police officer pulls me over while a slip of a hand by a black man during a traffic stop could be life-altering. I realized that while I’m teaching my son that cops are good, a black mother is teaching her son how to react if he is approached by an officer. When I tell my kids that sirens mean the police are helping keep others safe, other children are being taught to stop, drop, and remain silent to avoid a knee to the neck. I cringe at the fact that I thought I was showing inclusion and respect by agreeing to buy my daughter the black doll that she begged for at the store. That’s not enough. Explaining to my son that everyone’s equal despite the fact that his skin is white and his friend’s skin is brown is not enough. My focus has always been to protect my children from the hate in our world but is that enough? Does protecting my children from what’s really going on in our country help them to be respectful, advocating adults? Am I really teaching them how to protect those that need it while I sit silent? How can I make sure that I’m not parenting the next Amy Cooper? 

This week made me realize that I need to do better. I need to do better as a parent, as an American, as a white person. It shouldn’t have taken me almost a week to watch that video. It shouldn’t have taken me until now to realize how derogatory the statement, “All Lives Matter” really is. Black Lives Matter. They matter today, they matter tomorrow, they matter every single day and this needs to be where we direct our attention. I was taught to look out for the ones that need help. I was taught that If someone is struggling, being discriminated, not being heard, you do whatever you can to help that person. Their voice, their needs, their life matters. I understand now what this really means. 

We need to remember; one mistake doesn’t define a group of people. We have to stop looking at people as all-encompassing groups. The devasting actions of 4 horrible officers does not speak to the tremendous men and women we have on the police force. The actions of selfish looters should not create the perception that all protests are violent. The slurs and mindless comments of discriminators do not sit well with other white Americans looking to learn and better themselves. 

While this week has been eye-opening for all of us, I hope that we continue to learn from one another and put these words into action. We can’t remain divided as democrat vs republican, left vs right. This is way beyond a political issue, it’s a human rights tragedy. We have to look out for each other. We need to remember what makes our country special; what other people come to our land striving to find- diversity, freedom, respect. We should be celebrating this every day, not seeing it as a fault. As Americans, we have to protect each other, regardless of our differences. We have to teach one another; teach me how can I better myself to end this cycle. How can I educate my children to make their generation better than my own? Most importantly, we have to be willing to listen and learn. Stop the chatter about your opinions and open your ears and mind to the voice of someone else. Truly listen.