30 Before 30 – For Future Reference

I have been dreading the year I turn 30 for much of my 20’s. Why? I’m not exactly sure. Why do I dread any certain year? I spent several years celebrating my 22^nd birthday with my family. They are very supportive of my odd requests. If Taylor Swift is feeling 22, then so am I. But what is the magic year? What is the year that you should recognize as “knowing it all”? An expert at this ride called life? When will your life should be ironed out and the road to your future be paved?

I always thought that 30 was a comfortable year. Maybe you’re out of school (cue those beautiful loan payments.) Maybe you’re married. Maybe you have a kid or two. Regardless, you find a way to survive the chaos of change, the exclamations of joy, and the burdens of heartache to reach the state of new decade.

Looking back, I found myself in a constant state of running through my 20’s; always on to the next best thing. Never catching the full picture of what I was accomplishing but instead painfully missing the little “nuggets of love” as my husband calls them. I celebrated my achievements but looking to the next challenge before I could actually smell the roses I planted. I was running through life like a crazy person. Knowing what I know now, I should have done a little less running and a lot more walking through the chaos and joy I created for myself (ha- the only time I will every say that!)

All in all, I survived my early “not-so-responsible” adult years. I am here today to offer my learnings to you- 30 things to accomplish before turning 30. Since I turned 31 this year, I can now consider myself an expert. Taylor may be right. You may be feeling 22. But for future reference, I promise you, the best is yet to come. Live the hell out of those 30’s!

Be productive- your future self will thank you. Always think about what you can do now to make life easier on yourself in a year, a day, an hour. Except in extenuating circumstances such as parenting. Then choose sleep; always choose sleep.
Stop caring about what other people think of you, seriously. It doesn’t matter anyways. Do you think they are stressing out over you at 2am? They’re not worth the time, wrinkles, or the hair pigmentation.
Find a mindless hobby that relaxes you. Perform routinely. Mine is crap television shows. Real Housewives fill by bucket on the regular. It helps that the senseless drama makes me feel better about my quiet life. Other option- coloring. Have you ever colored with a child? Its invigorating; minus the crying over broken crayons of course.
Invest in a good set of Crayola crayons. If not for the coloring with the children, for the scent alone.
Be a better friend. Whether that means rekindling an old friendship or simply sending a card to a bestie- acknowledge those that create a positive energy in your life. If you don’t remember, it’s alright. Write yourself a monthly note to connect. There is nothing more valuable than relationships with those that love you.
Start a planner and use it the ENTIRE year. Ultimate challenge, using the same planner all year long. The number of planners I have owned with only one or two months of actual notes is outstanding. What is the high I get in starting a new planner? Did I no longer need to plan my to-do’s after month three? Highly doubtful.
Exercise. There, I mentioned it.
Figure out who you want to be when you “grow up”. I’m not talking about your career or where you’re going to live. I’m talking about you as a human. What is your mission in life, your values? Why are you here, where are you going, and how on earth are you getting there? Things will change and you will adjust but a strong set of values will help drive you through any obstacle along the way.
Get rid of college crap. If you still own something from your college dorm room or nasty college apartment, it’s time to part ways. Adios melted spatulas! Asta la vista smelly couch!
Clean out your wallet. Do you need that credit card to Macy’s? Does that punch card to your old hairdresser have any value in your life? Get rid of it. Step one of being a minimalist. More to come.
Invest in a high-quality pillow. Your 31 year old neck will thank you.
Stop holding grudges. Biggie here. Look at the energy and time you invest in maintaining these negative feelings against someone or something. What you are you missing in your life without this time and energy? What could you have accomplished? I understand, forgive and forget, blah blah. But really, if not for the other person, do it for yourself.
Answer text messages! I can’t explain how many texts I read, respond to my head, and immediately close. Are my thumbs malfunctioning? Does Siri not recognize my voice? Why is it so impossible for me to respond to a text message? I’m going through my texts now recognizing missed opportunities. Let’s mark this one as “continued growth”.
Set annual goals. Write them down. Save them. Review them.
Learn about wine- real wine. Stop buying your wine in a cardboard box and start drink like a sophisticated human being. Go to a wine tasting or class. If this is out of your league, at least dedicate an afternoon to sampling at your local Total Wine store.
Find a charity you are passionate about and give your time or money. While it may only be a few dollars or a few hours, the action alone has the most value to yourself and those you serve
Learn how to negotiate- especially if you are a woman. Don’t bend over or take no for an answer. Fight for what you want. Fight for what’s right. Fight for the right to party!
Ask for help and accept the help that’s offered. Here’s where I struggle the most. I’m still learning every day that I can’t do everything on my own. And even if I could, why would I want to? As a woman, I feel that we are expected to be the damsel in destress. We’re expected to call upon others to prevent failure. Not the case here. I wait until I’m falling off the ledge to set up a plan for a net. Help- yes. Still growing here. Another day, another topic.
Learn how to apologize. This one took me a while as well. I’m a midwestern so I can pull out the minor “I’m sorry” or “whoops!” for bumping into a shopping cart or unintentionally jumping line. Apologizing for bigger issues- broken promises, failures, petty arguments, have proven to be much more difficult.
Call your mom. She always knows. She always did.
Work in retail or food service. Find work in a field in which your paycheck relies on your tips or commission. Do something in which you need to service another. You will find that you appreciate people so much more.
Learn about politics. Not enough to put a sign in your yard but enough to speak knowledgeably on the subject and confidently cast a ballot. I’m ashamed to say that this is something that I’ve “never had time to do”. What does that even mean? You don’t have time to learn about the candidates fighting to lead your country. It’s a ridiculous excuse and I’m working on bettering my engagement here.
Own a pet. Kids are great, yes. But pets love you unconditionally. There is no greater feeling than walking in the door and meeting a dog wagging his tail for no other reason than seeing you home. As I’m typing, my biggest baby (not Aaron) is lying beside me waiting for me to rub his belly. Can he get sassy; yes. Does he talk back- NEVER!
Learn to accept criticism and feedback and find a way to apply it. Wow, another hard one for me. I’m overly sensitive, call it the millennial in me. Feedback sandwich? I hate it. This girl’s not hungry. I get offended easily. When receiving feedback, I am constantly battling emotions in my head, often missing the feedback itself. I overthink which I know plays a huge role in this issue. My heart is soft and my cries are hard. Worst part in this, I see it in my daughter already.
Make lists. Cue the adorable stationary! I promise you there is no greater feeling than crossing things off a to-do list. I used to keep a laundry list of things in my head. I would go to Target with one item in mind only to be pushing a cart of ridiculous crap out the door. Wait, this may be a separate issue. I assure you this does not get easier with age. #targetislife
Understand that you will make mistakes. There is no magic year in which this stops. Stop will be big, others will be minor. Figure out a way to own them use them to improve yourself.
Eat your veggies. I came from the pickiest of all picky eaters. I didn’t start eating vegetables (I’m talking simple onions and peppers here people) until I moved in with Aaron. He taught me that vegetables can be yummy. Who knew!
Don’t hide your kindness. I see kindness being misconstrued as weakness every day in my field of work. This isn’t the case. Even if people don’t deserve your kindness, hand it out like candy. It will find its way back to you.
Don’t wait for a special occasion to do something special. Get out and enjoy your life. Celebrate every day, not just the big ones. All too often, later becomes never. Don’t miss the opportunity to have a dance party.
Sometimes life is uncomfortable. It will not always be rainbows and butterflies. There will be challenges and although painful at first, they will be some of the greatest memories in your life. Surround yourself with people that love and support you. Find a way to love and support yourself. It won’t last forever.